Sarcastic Wishes
by SomeRandomlyAwesomeName
Summary: No one ever told me that when I die a pitiful death, your guardian angel grants you a wish because he feels you are a 'pathetic mortal who needs my amazing skills' and 'you had a sad life without getting laid' and 'what kind of person dies by a sleeping dog'. And me, being my smart self wished to be reborn to Naruto. Maybe I shouldn't be sarcastic with angels. SI-OC!TenTen AU-ish.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N** : Hey duckies! This is my first fanfic. Hope you like!

 **A/N #2:** Edited and more details (10/10/17)

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

Good Lord. _Good Lord._

Was this how I _died_? In this pathetic way? God, is this your way to kill me when I didn't go to church, used your name in vain and spray painted the cat and that one time… Okay, I can see why I am dying this way.

But can you really blame me for what I did as a teen? I'm 24 for Rachel's sake. A 24 year old woman who works at McDonald with divorced partents and a dog.

Well at least I will be dead when people found me. I could hide my shame that way.

Hello there world, my name is Elise Volendo and I am dying of being suffocated by my dead, 267 lb. English Mastiff, Georgie.

Mama did always tell me Georgie would bite me in the ass…

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

Georgie was a pretty old dog when I got him at 11 years of age. Mama wanted me to get a cute little puppy the supposedly 'spoke' to her. But, I didn't listen. I wanted the old pooch with sad browm eyes and droopy ears. Refusing to listen to Mama, I got Georgie from the shelter for the low low price of free.

(They said he was getting in on his years, and planned to put him to sleep the next day. Those non-belivers of hope.)

That was 3 years ago. And man, should I have listed to her now because, my now 14 year old English Mastiff just died on top of me (May he rest in peace).

Was it the burritos we had for dinner? Maybe he ate out of the trash agian. I did smell something funny...

With these thoughts, I started to feel faint and decided when I made it to the pearly gates, I would give God a stern talking too. Who else do you know died by a dead animal?

But, no one ever told me that when I die by suffication due to a beloved pet, your guardian angel grants you a wish because he feels you are a 'pathetic mortal who needs my amazing skills' and 'you had a sad life with no action' and 'what kind of person dies by a dead dog'.

Within a few moments from meeting the angel who suposedly protected me, I felt the tight restrecting walls of someting soft and wet. Immedietly, I thought I was going to hell. Looking back at the coversation I had with the holy being, I wasn't that surprised.

 **Flashback (provided by Mr. Angel)**

 _My eyes flew open ,as I started to gasp for breath, due to feeling like I had a thousand pounds on my chest. My hand grasped my shirt, wrinkling it while my heard pouned in my chest. A groan came out of my mouth as I felt a familar feeling in my stomach. Turning my head to the side, I vomited, accidently landing some of the chunky mess on a blond man's feet._

 _"You twit! What the everlasting hell do you think you're doing?! Do you think these are cheap?! They're not for your information! Holy Hell, these shoes are from the 2005 Fall Prada Menswear! Custom made for my feet! GUH!"_

 _Snapping my head to the side I saw a very familiar pale blond man. And I gasped. Really. Like some type of lovesick school girl when she sees the object of her affection. It did a lot to boost his ego I was later told._

 _Until I opened my mouth._

 _"Wha-, who a-, yo-"_

 _"Stop being a blubbering idiot and spit it out."_

 _"Are you Draco Malfoy?"_

 _"Are you?"_

 _"I'M NOT SOME FREAKING TWIT WHO DOESN'T KNOW AN ATTRACTIVE MAN AND IGNORES HIM FOR HIS WHOLE LIFE! DRACO FREAKING MALFORY CAN GO ROT…."_

 _It seemed this man had a hatred for Draco._

 _Shaking my head as I got up, I looked around as the strange man was still ranting about how 'he was better than that Malfory twit.' On my left was some dark pit where green fire would occasionally spit out of with screams coming out of the strange fire. On my right was some clouds that clustered together what looked like stairs._

 _"ARE YOU EVEN LISTING YOU IDJOT!"_

 _Looking back at the man, he looked like he could take on some pro wrestlers and still have time to give Hitler a spanking. His blond hair that was at first neat, was messy from tugging at it, pale skin was blotchy from yelling and sharp blue eyes, had a film over them._

 _"Who are you? Where am I?" I innocently asked, pretending that his now frazzeled appearence had nothing to do with me._

 _The man snorted at me, giving me a look that I had gotten from my mother alot: 'Are you an idiot? Or stupid?'_

 _"…What?"_

 _"You mortals are idiots."_

 _"Anyways, welcome to Hevell. Where people who had BORING LIVES end up. I know the name is idiotic, but God and the Devil came to an agreement on it…I belive you puny things call it Purgatory but that led to cats being here all the time...The summer of 1954 was not one to be remembered..."_

 _"Uh, why am I here?"_

 _"Your dead stupid."_

 _Processing this information, I remember being suffocated by Georgie. Oh._

 _"Honestly, you mortals always ask the same questions. 'Why am I here? Who is that? Whats hell? How are you so beautiful?' Well I'll tell you. It takes at least two hours every day to end up with perfect skin like mine..."_

 _The man was rambling about his skin routine as I was having an external crisis. The dick. Can't he see I'm suffering?!_

 _"My dog killed me. My FREAKING dog killed me!" It seems that I have slipped into a panic attack._

 _"Calm down. I'm here because God has decided to let me grant you a wish as your Guardian Angel."_

 _"Georgie KILLED ME! I died PATHETICALLY! My own baby KILLED ME!"_

 _Growing a tick mark my supposed 'Guardian Angel' bitch slapped me._

 _"You calmed your tits down yet? Good."_

 _Giving him a shocked look, my body froze up, autopilot taking control of me body._

 _"Good girl. I am here to grant you one wish. Any wish at all, go for it. I hope you wish for a good one since you were SO pathetic in this life. Maybe you can wish to get laid or to live as a princess when you get recreated by my Lord..."_

 _As Mr. Angel was ranting, I was still panicking internally. Let me in on some information about myself. I have two auto pilot modes, sassy or robot. And due to me panicking about leaving my poor manga behind and dying because of my dog, MacSassy decided to come out and play_

 _"I wish to go to the Narutoverse, you blond headed dick."_

 **Flashback End**

Seeing as McSassy thought everything was a hoax (the taco living bitch), she sarcastically wished to be born into the Narutoverse.

Turns out this angel listens to sarcastic wishes. Which is how I ended up being pushed out of a bloody tunnel which I'm pretty sure leads to hell (or the Narutoverse) screaming a Bloody Halleluiah.

God damn the angels.

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Hey duckies! Thanks for the love and comments! Onto the story….

 **A/N:** Edited and more details (10/12/2017)

 **Disclaimer:** I own 0.00000000001% of Naruto. Nothing.

 _Good Elise_ Sassy Elise

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

 _Elise P.O.V_

I mentally screamed when I felt myself getting pushed out of the semi-soft walls of my prison. Welp, life was good until those last moments of being suffecated to death by my dog, and wasn't all that bad either compared to where I was going. Hell.

A wail tried to come out of my mouth, but no use. Does Satan take away your use to speak once you go into his relm of evil?

Wait. Why wasn't I out of this dammed tunnel? Was this part of the tourture?

If it was, Satan is weird.

 _Ok, ok Elise. Don't be talking smack about you new boss/ruler/master-thing. He could kill you._

But Elise, you're already dead. He can't do much! Maybe make lif-er death suck more, but you have expected this since you were 12.

Agreeing with McSassy (even though she was the one to land me in this mess in the first place) I decided to pick a fight with Satan.

'Oi. Wanna fight bitch?'

...

 _..._

...

Total weaksauce man

 _She's right you know_

A pang of shame hit my heart. What was I doing? I could do better than this! Wasn't I the girl voted most likely to get arrested due to a smart mouth in High School?

 _Well, your smart mouth landed us going to the Underworld, so your classmates were right._

Ignoring the voice in my head, I prepared myself to roast Satan.

You go girl! Whoop, Whoop!

 _I still believe that this is stupid and you'll regret this_

'Is there a little red bitch in this house? Yup, its Satan. You know 'lil bitch, you must have the _loosest_ asshole ever! I mean, with at that fucking God gives you periodicly? Nice and loose. And don't get me started on that so called angel you sent to damn me into your relm. Bore. Couldn't you done better than that? Is that what the fersome Devil has become? Depending on trival party favors. And to think that I acctually thought you were terrifing.'

Still weak bu-

The tunnel got tighter.

Whoops, nevermind. Looks like the man in red is _pissed_.

 _What did I say?_

Throat tightning, I felt fear taking over my body.

The tunnel started to push me towards a light.

 _What in the world are you doing?_

I'm packing my stuff. This chick ain't dying today.

 _..._

 _We're a part of Elise. We can't leave. When she dies, we die. And besides, we're already dead._

Oh yeah...

Trying to see what was happining, I realized my eyes were sealed shut. Or that the tunnel was super dark, but I belived in the former. With as much force as a person could do in this situation, I tried opening my eyes, but they really were sealed. I started to panic, the fear that was slowly taking over my body spread even faster. Realizing that I would be permanetly blind forever (I was panicking! What would you have done?) I tried to pull against the force that was slowly pushing me out. I failed.

Welp, we had a good run

 _Do they have a heaven for voices?_

'I never did get laid, huh. I died a virgin.'

My head came out first and the first thing I did was cry. And holy shit it was a noise that could wake up the dead. If I wasn't having a mid-death crisis, embarressment would have killed me.

A pair of hands held me, and washed me. None to gently I might add.

Wait, were not in Hell? Or is this some kind of ritual?

A couple of voices started to feed into my hearing. I tried to understand what they were saying, but I couldn't since all of the sudden I felt tired. Really tired

Right before I went off with the sand man, I remembered the wish McSassy made and cried again.

Only this time out of anger.

Hey!

 _3_ _rd_ _person P.O.V. ( A few minutes before)_

"Pus-"

"Yo- -ood, almo-"

A scream pierced the air. A wailing baby.

"-ove yo-"

"YOK-"

"Surge- blood, no ti-"

"-re Yoko, Tsu-

"Moth- gon-, sorry."

"No!"

"-me?"

"..."

"Uzu-"

 _ **LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMO**_

A man walked down the street, tear stains on his face. He was an impressive height of 6'3'' (190.5 cm) with a long dark braid of hair. His body was littered in scars on his tan skin, which contrasted nicely with his green eyes. In his hands, in a bundle of light pink blankets, was his new-born daughter.

The man, Katio, had just lost his wife, Yoko, in child birth. Looking down at his daughter, his tears welled up again. Just looking at his daughter _hurt_. She looked a lot like her mother with her dark coffee colored hair and big cinnamon colored eyes with an amber tint. And she was looking up at him. Oh, it seemed that she has woken up.

Letting out a shaky breath Katio, gave the baby a small smile and cooed a little. All his daughter did was stare at him. Never making a sound except for a small gurgle. She lifted her tiny fist up, and hit his face.

It didn't hurt, since she was still a new born babe, but she kept doing it. Shifting the bundle to his left arm, he touched his face. His tears had escaped his eyes, and he had basically been crying on his daughter. Realizing what she was doing, he gave a tired chuckle. "I'm fine. But thank you for worrying about me."

The baby gurgled, seeming satisfied and going back to sleep. But when she woke up and her father called her, by her name, she would be a tornado of emotions. She already knew she was reborn, but she didn't now she was reborn as a major character.

"Good night TenTen."

Way to go Elise. Way to go.

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

 **A/N:** Hiya duckies! I know my chapters are short and pathetic looking but I will try my best to make them longer!

And thanks to **Thosa** for their comment! And all who gave love to this fanfic!

See ya in the next chapter duckies!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Hiya duckies! Welcome to this new chapter of _Sarcastic Wishes_. Hope the length of this chapter is too your liking!

 **Disclaimer:** One day, one day…

 **Warning:** Slight Angst ahead.

 **A/N #2:** Edited and added details (10/12/2017)

 _Good Elise_ Sassy Elise _'Elise baby babble'_

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

Elise/TenTen P.O.V.

I woke up to humming. Immediately I started to panic inside since my parents don't hum, they sing horribly off key.

Hell yeah they did. I'll never forget the time Papa sang for that one Christmas.

 _You comment on that now when we could currently be in possesion of a kidnaper? Are you mad?_

Yup :)

Feeling a sweat drop forming by the power of anime, I decided not to question how emoticons worked in my mind.

Wait.

When did I have voices in my head?

 _And now you notice too? What is with you guys?_

Sheesh, calm down. Let the girl think! We did only come to existence when she died. God told us that remember?

 _Whatever_

'God?'

Oh hunny, were basically your conscience. The angel and devil of your shoulder if you will.

 _If you could even call us that in the first place. We're your guides kid. God don't want ya running around blind now._

Well a little bit of both then! Both of us used to live in this universe before we died. It so good to be back! I wonder if **DA: _e390_** **encfk** djka is ali-

I let out a loud cry. It hurt! It hurt so much! What did it do? To foucused on my pain, I didn't notice when the humming stoped.

 _You idiot! You can't say anyone's name! Weren't you listening to anything God was saying? We are not aloud to give any clues about who we were in our past lives! Apoligize to Elise immedietly!_

Sorry Elise...

Letting out a small whimper, I nodded.

'Is ok...just don't do it again ok?'

The second of the voices perked up at the sound of me accepting their forgiveness.

You got it! I promise not to do that ever again!

Nodding again, I willed my eyes to open to see is anyone has heard me cry.

Opening my eyes slowly, I saw a big blurry shape moving around. Trying to rub my eyes, I realized that I couldn't move my arms. I made a whimper, thinking I was chained or kidnapped or something else that would be terrifying yet sort of exciting in a crazy way.

Pausing where my train of thought led too. I didn't notice the blurry shape moving towards me. I mean, would you really question a shape that wasn't hurting you at the moment, when you felt that you were on the verge of discovering that you were a crazy psychopath who in the future made awful puns and 21st century references?

"Hello my lovely Tenshi. Are you ready to eat breakfast? I heard you crying earlier."

I jumped (more liked wailed, but I'll never admit it) at the sound of a man's voice. A very _deep_ man's voice. Like the Terminator or some bull like that.

' _Bitch who are you? Why are you blurry? Weren't we at the hospital or something? You're voice is too loud! It gives me a migrane! Fight me!'_

Of course to the strange man voice thing, it just sounded like gurgles and other baby noises. I think he liked it. Weirdo.

The Weirdo came closer to me and picked me up. I didn't put up a fight.

He took me to another room of the place I think was our home. He put me down on the table. The Table. No safety, at all for a little babe like me. Maybe I should roll to the edge to teach Weirdo a lesson. Heh, I bet he'll cry. Bitch thinks this shit safe. NOT.

 _How in the world do you plan do to that? You can't even move your arms- much less roll over._

Ignoring the voice ( I need a name for them...) I really prayed my mother punched Weirdo or something.

(Like I would ever conclued an idiot like Weirdo would be my father.)

My mother never came and Weirdo feed me by a bottle. While feeding, my thoughts wondered to where my mother was. Thinking back to my rebirth, I could remember nothing but being born and a bath.

Sighing in my mind, I moved my head to the side when I was done feeding, the bottle sucked dry. I yawned, too lazy and tired to think about my situation.

"Have a nice nap TenTen."

Or not.

HAHAHAHA YOU'RE FUCKED

 _Yes how hilarious. Good thing we will be there to help, right?_

 _That's what I thought_

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

I laid in my crib, thoughts running in my head that I was TenTen. TenTen. The girl who was on Team Gai with two loud idiots and a boy with a stick far up his ass, only Sasuke's rivaled it.

Preach

What's a girl do do?

This was the moment when I realized that I was reborn as a main character who was part of a fictional world where people could be Jesus and animals talked.

And promptly I wailed like the infant I was to show my new father ( I had to accept him eventually) I needed him.

I am such a cry baby.

Preach X2

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

For the next couple months, my dad and I fell into a routine. I woke up, cried got feed, went to sleep, woke up, got changed, played with my dad a little bit, feed, then went to sleep till a new day came.

It was boring. Mind numbing boring. Thankfully I got clear eye sight when I was 5 months old.

When I first saw my dad clear, I decided he was sexy. In a rugged, ninja sort of way. But still sexy.

Is that weird?

Yes

 _Please never say that again_

 _'Again, I have elected to ignore you two.'_

I think I scared him, when my first word was 'Weirdo'

I still call him that. And he stilled called me Tenshi.

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

When I woke up again, Weirdo and I were at a place that was cold. And I mean freeze you ass off cold. I knew it was barely fall too. Maybe it was the baby in me.

Weirdo _! My face is_ hurt _ing and I lost feeling in my nose!_ Cover _me up or something!'_

I felt what I assumed to be blankets wrap tighter around me.

Good Weirdo _! Who's a_ good _boy? You are!_ Love _ya dad!'_

I could talk, but not well. Cue crappy on word sentences. And I still scared him I think.

All of the sudden when I was about to go back to sleep, a wet drop touched my face. I opened my eyes and saw my father's green eyes shut. This was the first and last time I saw (felt) my father cry.

It seemed that he was crying over something. We were what seemed to be outside of our small house. He held me gently as he cried over something I couldn't see.

"I'm sorry Yoko. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. Our daughter will grow up strong, just like you. I swear of it!"

Oh.

It seems that my mother was dead. Of childbirth most likely since I couldn't remember her.

I don't know why I started crying for. I never met this life's mom, but I still felt this sadness inside me. My father hugged me tighter as he sobbed for the woman her loved and the mother of their child.

And I cried with him. For I too will miss this life's mother for every child craves the love a mother gives, no?

I don't remember what happened after we cried, but I do know we celebrated the next day as a 'very important friend's birthday'.

Weirdo showed me a photo of 'Yoko' and I had to admit, she was beautiful. With dark brown hair and even darker eyes, she looked similar to my past life mother.

Canon TenTen had her eyes.

 _That is true_

"She would have loved you Tenshi. We named you heaven for a reason u know. You are our little piece of it."

Oh.

 _Do you want comfort?_

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

It was 4 days after the celebration that I felt it. It was the Kyubbi's chakra.

In all other fanfictions, they describe the chakra dark and foul and it made you want to throw up. As a reincarnation, I can tell you it's not true.

It's _worse_.

My insides felt they were being turned into liquid and I got a massive migraine. What felt like blood came out of my mouth and nose. And I everything was _redred **red** , _filling me up with hate. I kept crying, making my dad worry.

My voices, that I have always expected to talk in any situation, were not responding.

A knock was at the door and my dad opened it. It looked like a ninja.

"Katio, you are pulled out of maternity leave and asked to fight the Kyubbi no Yoko. Get you gear on, and I will escort the child to one of the safe zones."

What the ninja said scared me. I knew what the fox was capable of and I knew he was most likely going to die. I didn't want that.

'No _Don't_ leav _e me! I_ love _you! Please! You'll die if you go!_ _Outo-san_

'Maybe if I call you dad you'll stay.'

I think I just surprised my dad by saying 'dad' then anything else. He got proud dad tears, in his eyes kissed my head and gave me to the stranger. He never looked back.

I screamed in protest in the man's arms as I saw my dad go. I cried and cried and cried.

The ninja took me to one of the safe zone shelters as I cried. Someone else held me and pushed chakra to my head.

I promptly fell asleep, wondering if I could be such a good ninja that nothing like this happen again.

Thankfully I was reincarnated as a kick ass kunoichi with awesome aim and a talent for sealing.

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

 **A/N:** Did I make it a good length or should I go for even longer?

Also thanks for all the people who reviewed, followed, and favorited! And really, is my humor that funny?

See ya in the next chapter duckies!

SRAN out.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Hey hey hey! Sorry that it took forever for this chapter duckies! Anyways, on to the story!

 **Disclaimer:** Naruto only belongs to me in my wildest dreams.

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

Elise/TenTen P.O.V.

When I woke up again, I cried. I lost, my father and mother barely 8 months apart. I was crying too hard to even pay attention to my surroundings, and that's how I got carried in a pair of arms that felt to bony to be my father. I stopped and looked up immediately.

There was a woman, carrying me and making humming noises, to calm me down apparently. She stopped when she realized, that I stopped wailing. Smiling down at me, she laid me down in a crib. "There you go TenTen-chan! You can go to sleep now that I'm here. Yup mommy is here…"

I stared in shock at the woman who called herself _my mother_. My mother was _dead_. And this _imposter_ had _no right_ to call me _her daughter_.

Rage built up inside of me at this woman, who thought she could replace my mother or my father. Soon enough, I screamed in anger, and I didn't stop.

 _'_ You _are some bitch thinking I will accept you as my_ mom _! Go away! I do not need you!_ No _! Get the hell_ away _! I_ _hate you!'_

I kept screaming, even when she started at me in shock. Nothing could keep me from my rage. It felt as if someone has started a fire in the pit of my stomach and it spread throughout my body getting hotter as it went.

A man burst through the door, looking at the woman who was still in shock and me who was screaming, getting louder by the second.

Running towards me, he tripped over the shell shocked woman. Grabbing me, he jumped me on his arm as he brought his hand, covered with some type of familiar green cover touched my forehead.

"It's okay, TenTen. Shush. I got you. Everything is okay. Go to sleep…"

I passed out screaming to the heavens, to a certain angel that I will kill him for killing my father and hoped he was happy for taking my precious person.

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

When I woke up again, I saw the woman was not here anymore and the mysterious man was gone. I stayed quiet, listing to the wind and a shuffling body.

Wait. Shuffling body?

I turned my head slightly and saw a body, tightly wrapped in blankets, barley half meter away from me. The baby was struggling to waking up, its head covered by a cute duck hat. When it opened its eyes I cussed to every deity out there.

Its eyes, where blue, bluer than the sky despite its apparent foggy appearance, and in its struggle to wake up, the hat fell off to show sunshine blonde hair. The baby then smiled at me, a smaller and toothless version of what it would be in the future.

Well fuck.

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

When April came around, I was over the shock of Naruto fucking Uzuamki as my roommate. Well mostly anyways.

It was boring, the couple months I was here so far. I assumed it was the orphanage since there was only three adults and a whole lot of kids running everywhere screaming their bloody heads off. I wasn't too fond of the brats when they interrupted my nap time for a game of ball inside.

Go play with your shitty ball elsewhere ya brats.

Honestly, I was waiting to actually run everywhere, since it was such a boring place for a 29 year old woman stuck in a baby's body who could only walk. Oh my. I am so close to being in my thirty's. Good thing I will be young again after this awful human stage in life.

What an awful body to have. Not to mention it takes most of my time!

God, this body was _so demanding_!

When I wanted to sleep, I was out 5 seconds later. If I was hungry, you better feed me or _I will_ die of hunger. If I just so happened to 'use the bathroom' the caretakers have to take care of it immediately or my stinky dipper will become Konoha's new secret weapon. When I walked it took half my energy away.

I hate the body of a baby. It can go die in the depths of hell.

Anyways, baby Naru-cakes.

Honestly, I hated all kinds of kids but I had to hand it to this brat, he was the definition of adorable. He could trap anyone with those big eyes of his, like they were constantly puppy dog eyes. A dangerous weapon right there.

Too bad the people who run this place hate him along with the brats.

Sure they will feed him, change him and burp him, but only the necessities. No amount of whining and puppy eyes make them stay longer. And the brats completely ignored him. They would coo at me, carry me and shower me with love. I hated that.

Hell, no wonder this kid was attention deprived. The whole freaking village, was ignoring him, thinking he could take care of himself since he was the supposed the 'great demon fox brat'. Sometimes I wished I could kunai their asses.

While baby Naru-cakes cried and moped about not having attention, I bit all people who tried to touch me and loved me. The woman who called herself my mother a couple months ago, was a manager of the orphanage and was thinking too adopt me. Good thing I made her get rid of that thought.

Ah. Just a regular couple of boring months at this hell hole.

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

When my first birth day came of March 9th everyone was celebrating at the orphanage. The director (Hag), who was a stern old hag, just gave my head a pat and a 'happy birthday' left without another word. The manager (Whimpey) just gave me a nervous look and brought out a cake. The man who healed us (Healer) gave me smile and made faces at me. I was not amused.

Everyone sang and had a good time except for Naru-cakes since the caretakers left him in our room.

Turns out that the orphanage that they show in the anime was actually well off. They could celebrate all the brats' birthdays and have cake, but presents were a different matter. It was usually only one present form everyone to the birthday brat. When I learned that fact, I went through one of my rage fits, screaming and biting anyone who tried to calm me down. It took Hag to hold me down and Healer to knock me out with his green chakra shit.

When it was time to blow out the candelas, everyone brought me in front of the cake and told me to make a wish. Turns out I didn't learn my lesson last time with wishes.

'I wish that Naru-cakes could tell everyone what he wanted.'

As Healer blew out the candelas for me, a squeaky voice yelled.

"Poopy!"

The festivities paused at the loud noise. It happened again.

"Poopy!"

Wimpey walked out and came back with Naru-cakes with a pale face.

Giggling Naruto reached his hands into the air and said the same word again.

"Poopy!"

Well it seemed that a certain angel hasn't stopped granting me wishes.

Fuck.

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

 **A/N:** So? Good, Eh or Awful? Thank you Duckies for giving this fanfic your love!

Also thank you **BloodySilver** for commenting all the chapters! Your kind words are greatly appreciated!

Review, Like, and till next time duckies….

SRAN out.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Hiya! I know ya guys just want to read this so I will let you be.

 **Disclaimer:** Senpai, notice me so I may take control of this fandom...

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

Elise/TenTen P.O.V.

I was in shock that Naruto talked. Talked! He was barley 5 months and he said a word. Hag came in and frowned as she saw Naruto and shooed the children outside. Healer's grip became tighter on me as he carried me up to my room. Placing me gently down in the crib he, walked out and shut the door.

I blinked, my mouth open. A flash of light appeared in corner of my eye and I turned towards it, heart beating faster.

'Well you look pathetic mortal.'

Eyes widening, I stared at the angel who granted sarcastic wishes. I bet he relishes in my pain.

He smirked at me and walked closer to me looking like the cat that caught the cannery.

'Or should I call you TenTen? You know, Gabriel was shocked when he heard what you called me in your little rants. Honestly, I granted you your wishes and you were ungrateful.'

My eyes narrowed as I glared at this damn angel.

'Why the hell are ya here bastard?'

Snickering, the angel (Draco 2.0) leaned over the crib, and looked me in the eyes. His blue eyes were not the same shade as Naruto's. While Naruto's eyes reminded you of a warm summer sky, Draco 2.0's eyes reminded me of ice. Cold, unbearable ice that gave you shivers just looking at it.

'All I did was grant you your wishes and you got what you wanted, no? And for what I am here, I have to tell you the contract you have with me. Since I decided to be your angel, I have to take care of you in this world. Comprendo? Anyways, the rules of this contract.'

I stared at Draco 2.0 in disbelief. Contract? Was this some Black Butler bull? Don't tell me he wants to eat my soul too?

'Your thoughts are amusing Ten-chan'

Snapping myself out of my thoughts, I glared at him, completely ignoring the awful nickname.

'What do you mean ya creep? Peeking on an innocent girl's thoughts?'

'You are far from innocent mortal. And do I have to say this every time I see you? I am NOT Draco Malfoy. You can call me Raziel.'

'Whatever creep,'

Snorting and rolling his eyes Raziel, sat in the air.

'Anyways, the rules of this contract. One, you can only wish on your birthday. Two, you cannot wish for anything extreme, like raising someone from the dead and so. Three, whatever you wish for cannot be undone. Four, it doesn't matter if your being sarcastic with these wishes, they still count. Five, only one wish a birthday. Do you agree with the rules of this contract?'

Thinking over the rules, I stared at Raziel. The rules seemed good enough and I seemed to now know why Naru-cakes started talking so early. Wait a minute.

'Isn't Naruto way too young to talk? Why did you grant that wish then? You just said that you cannot grant extreme wishes.'

'He is not talking per say, he just says one word sentences of what he needs. And there was a kid already talking around the same time as him. It's not weird here in the Elemental Nations. Their just considered prodigies.'

Nodding my head in acceptance I sighed.

'Okay then. I agree to the rules of the contract.'

Giving me a smirk, Raziel snapped his fingers and a strong gust of air followed after that. I closed my eyes at the strong blast.

'Good luck in this world TenTen. I hope you finally get laid here, I do have a bet on you after all.'

Just when I thought I could escape the past he brings it up again.

Just you wait Raziel, I will get laid and shove it in your face.

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

The wardens of the orphanage did nothing about Naru-cakes talking. Sure they panicked, but they decided to ignore it and not tell the Hokage. Cue another fit of rage.

Gosh, I felt like the Hulk over Naru-cakes. Don't tell me I developed a brother complex over Naruto that rivaled Itachi's over Sasuke? Why do I feel that this will be a thing in the future…

Anyways, whenever Naru-cakes asked for a dipper change or to be fed, the wardens ignored him until it got annoying and the only way to shut him up. At least it was faster and more than before.

When October rolled around, Naru-cakes could now ask for a variety of things, but they were still in one word sentences. Oh well, you can't ask for the world in a day. That when it happened.

My worst rage fit in my 1 year of living happened on October 11th. Everyone was waking up and getting ready to start the day, and I remembered. Yesterday was the 10th so that meant that Naru-cakes birthday was yesterday, and no one celebrated. It happened so fast, that I don't remember what happened for most of it, but I do know all I could see red at the _idiots_ who ran this damn place.

I was told when I was older, that the reason for Wimpey flinching at me was because I cause all the chakra scars and bit marks on her arms and hands.

Opps.

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

I was snarling like a wild animal when I woke up. I paused when I noticed I wasn't in my room or in the orphanage at all.

Everything was white, and it felt cold. I was wrapped in a blanket that was now on the floor due to my struggle. Every time I breathed it hurt my lungs.

The door opened, and a lady I have never seen before smiled at me.

"Hello TenTen-chan! It looks like you're awake and have dropped your blankie! Are you hungry?"

I ignored the woman to lay back down in the mattress, and stared at the celling. What happened? Where was I?

Okay, I was mad because the orphanage didn't celebrate Naruto's birthday. I remember nothing after me screaming and Naruto waking up. First question answered. By what the woman is wearing and the whiteness, I might be in the hospital. Good. Both questions answered.

The woman from before came closer and picked up the blanket and put it on me.

"There you go TenTen-chan! It seems you are tired huh? You are so cute and sweet! I can't believe that woman called you a demon in disguise! Honestly, she needs to check twice with you!"

Which woman called me a demon? Bah. It doesn't matter anymore. I just hope that Naru-cakes was fine when I got back to the orphanage.

What a life.

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

A/N: Hey duckies! I plan on doing another chapter today but don't be disappointed when it doesn't come till tomorrow! Aren't you lucky?

Thanks for the love! See ya next chapter!

SRAN out.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** I like French fries. Onto the story.

 **Disclaimer:** I shall take over Naruto when I take over the universe.

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

Elise/TenTen P.O.V.

I am really starting to hate that I am that person that always passes out. Can freaking Raziel give me a break? Oh right. He's a bastard whose got a heart of ice. I bet he likes to watch me suffer. That sadist.

Gosh, my thoughts are really going out there. I feel as if I got hit by a bus or something.

Opening my eyes slowly, I saw I was still at the hospital. Blinking away the fogginess, I groaned. Honestly, it did feel as if I was hit by a bus or something like it. Not that I know what it is like getting hit by a bus. Maybe.

Turning my head, I saw a glass of water by the bed. Reaching for it, I noticed how my left hand had a faint scar from the right side of my wrist to the section where my thumb and pointer finger met. Ignoring it at the moment, I leaned even farther for the glass.

Right when I wrapped my hand around the glass and brought it close to myself, the door banged open.

"TenTen-chan! I was so worried!"

Healer ran towards me, dramatic tears running down his face. Why was I stuck with the weird ones?

Sighing as he hugged me, I shot him a dirty look.

"Let go. Bad. No. Off."

"Oh TenTen-chan! You are so cute! Scolding me like you were my mother! So cute!"

Raziel, was this divine punishment? Did you enjoy seeing me suffer from this pedophile? Was I such a bad charge? I got the feeling he was laughing at me. Damn him.

"Get off the girl. You are acting like a big baby."

Looking up in hope I saw Hag. Her face was in her resting bitch face and she gave Healer an irritated look. I gave her brownie points for her badassery.

"All right, all right. I was just worried! Sheesh, why are you so mean..."

Ignoring Healer, Hag turned towards me when he let go.

"You are being signed out, so that means that you will be able to come back home with us. Got it?"

Nodding my head in acceptance, I downed the glass and put it back on the bedside table. Turning my body, I slipped down the bed and walked towards Hag. Grabbing her hand, we walked out towards the front desk.

Here I come world.

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

At age two, I wished for Raziel to burn. Sweet revenge since he came the next day, cussing me out. Good times.

At age three, I wished for Wimpey to get a life. Surprisingly, she started dating Healer and got pregnant so she wasn't around much anymore.

At age four, I got mad and wished that all the brats could be quiet for at least a day. All the kids got so scared when they found out they couldn't talk for 24 hours. Ah. The goodness of peace and quiet.

At age five, I wished that the Hokage would hang around Naru-cakes more when I saw how happy he was when he was here. The Sandaime came almost every Friday after that, and Naru-cakes smiled more.

At age six, I wished for my chakra to open. Was that an interesting day. Some of the ninja sensors in the village told Hag that one of the kids in the orphanage had just unlocked their chakra and she better help them get control over it. Hag wasn't surprised to see it was me.

And now, I was six years old, almost seven, with unlocked chakra going to my first year in the Academy.

I hoped Neji Hyuga didn't have such a big stick up his ass as the anime portrayed.

God help me.

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

I woke up with a smile, knowing it to be my first day at the Academy. Doing my morning ritual, I hummed, seeing Naruto still asleep in bed.

Hag never separated us when I had another fit, when Healer tried to move me to another room. Ah, I think I stroke a chord of fear into him after that incident.

Kissing his forehead, I walked out the door, heading towards the kitchens for breakfast. Seeing Hag cooking breakfast for the other brats when they woke up, I nodded at her and grabbed an apple and walked towards the door.

"Hold it right there kid! Don't just think cuz your training to be a ninja your gonna be top dog here!"

Turning, I saw one/ of the older kids shouting at me with his lackeys behind him. I never did learn or care for the other brats names, so I decided to call this brat Stupid due to how stupid he is.

"I am training to be a ninja too! So that means I am better than you!"

I took a bite of my apple, rolling my eyes at Stupid and nodded at him.

"Whatever. Just don't mess with me and we are fine."

Turing back towards the door to walk towards the Academy, a hand grabbed my shoulder. Pausing mid-bite, I tilted my head to see Lackey 1 mad.

"Don't roll your eyes at us! You can't beat Shinji!"

Really? True Ruler? I rolled my eyes again, this time internally, to keep Stupid happy.

"Whatever."

Pulling free from his grasp, I started to walk.

I really hate kids.

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

15 minutes later, I was lost. Eye twitching, I saw at the civilian market place. Curses, there was _people_ here.

Sighing, I pulled up my big girl pants, and planted an innocent look on my face. Seeing a pair of girls arguing over something, I walked towards them.

"E-excuse me N-nee-chan! Can y-you show me where the A-academy is?"

The girls looked over at me and I froze. They had really familiar faces. One of them had a trench coat and a stick of dango. The other had red eyes and a black wrap dress.

Oh, fuck me. I just bumped into Anko Mitarashi and Kurenai Yuhi.

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

A/N: Please don't kill me! I am such a horrible authoress! *bows down*

Thank you for giving your love to this trash.

SRAN out.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** I found my soulmates in Sasha and Connie in SNK… Seriously, all three of us could make a religion about food and are amazingness… Onto the story!

 **Disclaimer:** *Throws confetti into the air* Congratulations! You win 0% of the Naruto fandom! Yay!

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

Elise/TenTen P.O.V.

Once upon a time in my past life, Anko and Kurenai were one of my favorite yuri parings. Honestly they had such chemistry or maybe it was my shipper mind, but they were amazing. I also respected them as kunoichi, because they were badass but still were feminine.

So, once I bumped into them the first thing that came out of my mouth was:

"Snake sex."

"…"

Oh God.

Anko busted out laughing, choking slightly on her dango. Kurenai blushed and turned redder then her eyes. She stumbled over words, trying to talk but was still shocked or embarrassed of what I said. Anko somehow ended on the floor, sill laughing her head off. With our little scene, people were starting to look.

"Oh God! You're the best gaki! Snake sex! I have to say that to Oro-pedo!"

Snapping her head towards Anko, Kurenai growled at her friend.

"Shut up Anko! This girl…"

Blushing again, Kurenai shook her head and continued to scold her friend.

Where was I doing, during all of this?

Well, I mentally face-palmed and realized what I just said. Panicking, I ran in a random direction, screaming sorry the whole time.

Somehow, I ended up at the Academy, but I was too embarrassed to notice and ran inside. Really Elise? Really? You said fucking 'snake sex' to Anko and Kurenai! Oh Raziel! Kill me now!

Stopping in the middle of a hallway, I took a deep breath. Looking around I saw I wasn't at the market place anymore. Seeing a door a meter in front of me, I decided to open it and see where I was.

Humming to _This Little Girl_ by Cady Groves, I opened the door, my mind daydreaming about me air-guitar. Closing my eyes to see the awesome solo I was about to do, I didn't notice eyes staring at me. Nodding my head to the beat, I opened my eyes to a class of brats staring at me.

Raising my eyebrow mentally, I stared back. It was kinda cool having staring contest with lots of people, but no one has said anything so it was getting awkward. A cough here, a shuffle there, the room was quiet.

"A gay baby was just born."

The class gave each other confused looks and a hand went up. I looked over to the owner of the hand and sharply inhaled. A little Rock Lee was there. He was so cute, with a little braid and caterpillar eyebrows.

I squealed in the inside.

"What is a gay baby?"

Such an innocent question! I looked back at Rock Lee and tilted my head to the side and smirked as well as a six year old could.

"A gay baby, is when a baby grows up it will like the same ge-"

A hand covered my mouth, and a nervous chuckle followed. I looked up to the person holding their bed partner up to my mouth. Disgusting.

A middle aged man with brown hair and gray eyes. Boring.

I bit his hand and he let go in shock most likely. If you're going to train brats to become ninja brats, you will get hit with the occasionally jutsu and punched a few times.

Huffing, I fixed my shirt and made sure my signature panda buns were fine. Staring a Sensei I slightly tilted my head.

"My name is TenTen and I am the missing student. Sorry not sorry I was late. A snake was seducing its mistress."

The man stared at me in disbelief and muttered something about 'Kami not another one' and 'I thought I just got rid of him'.

Questioning the man's sanity I turned towards the class and bowed slightly.

"Hey brats. The name is TenTen and in the future I shall be your empress and Naru-cakes will be the Hokage. So is any of you have that dream," I glared at everyone and saw a few flinch. "you better get rid of it fast and find a new one. Because if Naru-cakes doesn't get his dream he's not happy. If he is not happy, I'm not happy. If I'm not happy, you guys pay for it. Got it?"

I intensified my glare and more people flinched this time. There was even this one kid who looked like he pissed himself. Letting my glare go, I smiled at the class and gave a cute twirl.

"Wonderful~ Sensei where do I sit?~ "

Sensei gave me an exhausted look and pointed towards the back.

"You can sit between Neji Hyuga and Tatsuo Uchiha."

I politely ignored Sensei as he mumbled about seppuku and getting drunk, and looked for the brats. Looks like I have to sit between two of the most prideful clans that hate each other.

I saw what looked like a mini-Neji and mini-Uchiha and waked towards them. On my way towards my seat, I saw the girls in class glaring at me. Confused, I looked down at my shirt. Was it offensive? Wait, do I even care? Na, whatever.

Giving both minis nods, I sat down. More glares from the girls, and oh look now both of the brats were glaring at me. Ignoring them, I watched Sensei starting to teach the lesson. I think it hurt both of the brats pride when I did that.

I smirked, this will be fun.

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

When lunch rolled around, I realized I didn't bring any. Crap.

Walking towards Lee, I saw he had a bento, and God, did it look amazing. Drooling slightly, I decided to become friends with this boy now, because that bento looked like it was made by a professional chef or some shit.

I was pulled out of my day dream by a girl grabbing my arm and dragging me away from heaven. And I was pissed. This bitch just pulled me away from my food wet dream!

Narrowing my eyes at what looked to be a group a girls, I was shoved onto the ground.

"Stay away from Tatsuo-kun and Neji-kun! Bun-Bun head!"

Oh, this is what it all was about. The brats had fangirls and the fangirls didn't like me sitting next to their crushes. Losers.

"I don't care about Neji or Tatsuo in any way, shape, or form. Maybe if we become friends, but that's how far I want my relationships with them to go. I already have a love."

It was true. I just wanted the brats to be my friends (mostly) and I was already in love. With Lee's bento box.

The group of girl's eyes narrowed and the screcched at me on how I was a liar and they didn't believe me.

"Nee-chan! You forgot your lunch!"

All the eyes of the playground went toward the shrill voice. And there he was, my little Naru-cakes, running with a bowl of to-go ramen. Ah! My cute little brother.

I swear, everyone was giving me odd looks as I skipped towards him. I think I even heard Sensei say something about 'how the hell are there flowers' and 'another one' and 'retirement then seppuku'.

I love Sensei, he's hilarious.

"Oh, thank you Naru-cakes! You're so kind to your forgetful sister! You are the cutest!"

I was squealing like a little girl, ignoring the looks I was getting. Naru-cakes is just the cutest!

I think I even heard Tatsuo mumble something about Itachi 2.0.

Suck on that Itachi.

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

A/N: I love you guys, plus I'm bored so Chapter 7 came to be.

Thank you to **ThePlotbunnyBreeder** for their supportive comment! *bows* thank you!

And thanks to all of you who gave this story your love!

Remember, I love to get reviews from you guys, so don't be shy! If you are that's ok!

Until the next chapter.

SRAN out.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** I want to watch _Deadpool_ right now. With _Sour Patch Kids ©._ Yum.

Onto the story!

 **Disclaimer** : I would show more shirtless males,(especially a certain blue shark) if I somehow end up with Naruto.

 _ **LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE**_

Rubbing my cheek with Naru-cakes, I cooed. More brats were giving me odd looks. Fuck them, I was enjoying giving Naru-cakes attention.

"Oh Naru-cakes! I love you!"

"Nee-chan! Stop! You are embarrassing me!"

I pulled away and smirked at Naru-cakes. He sweat dropped.

"It's my job to shower you with love and on occasion embarrass you Naru-cakes!"

He sweat dropped even more and turned away.

"Whatever Nee-chan, I got to go back, so just take your lunch."

I decided to embarrass Naru-cakes further. Smirking, I dramatically blushed and put my hand on my cheek.

"Ara, Ara!~ You're such a Tsundere Naru-cakes!~ I should tell your future wife that so she know you love her!~ "

Naru-cakes blushed and turned towards me, punching me on my side.

"Baka! I'm not a Tsundere! Baka Nee-chan!"

Smirking, I opened my mouth for my amazing comeback when someone coughed behind us. Looking over my shoulder, I saw mini-Lee staring at us.

"What's a Tsundere?"

I squealed in the inside. Mini-Lee was so innocent! My inner *cough* outer *cough* devil decided we should be the one to show mini-Lee the world and 'help' with his innocence. Cue evil grin that sent shivers down Sensei's spine.

"A Tsundere is a person who is in lo-"

Again, Sensei covered my mouth with his friend on lonely nights. Uh. I can _smell_ the desperation.

"TenTen, you have to stop with this. Next time I will have to take drastic measures."

I rolled my eyes, as Sensei let me go. Turning back to Naru-cakes, I saw he was gone and all that was in his place was the bowl of ramen.

"NOOOOOOOO"

 _ **LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE**_

It was an hour before we will be able to go home. Sensei was droning on about the rules and expectations of the class. He seemed to look at me a lot during the lecture. I wonder why.

I stared at the clock, begging it to move faster. 47 minutes till class ends.

"You are an idiot thinking if stare longer at the clock, it going to move faster."

I turned my gaze right to Neji. No, he was taking notes like a good little Hyuga. Left, it was Tatsuo. He was staring at me and his eyes had a 'holier than thou' look.

"Whatever."

I let my gaze switch back to the clock. Waiting. 42 minutes.

"Tch. Idiot."

I ignored the comment. 40 minutes.

"The Uchiha is right. You are an idiot."

Right, Neji seems like he is done with his notes and he was now staring at me with Tatsuo. Gaze back to the clock. 38 minutes.

"Hn. Does this mean you also agree that the Uchiha clan is the best?"

"No."

Cue glares and testosterone. Boys. They weren't even sexy enough for this yet. 31 minutes.

"Hn."

"Tch."

"HN."

"TCH."

Raziel help me. 26 minutes.

"Ah."

"Hmph."

"Tch."

"Eh."

What does the Uchiha and Hyuga clan even do to turn their kids into anti-social robots? Dose them in kid repellent? They come into the world as adults? Trade their brats' souls to Satan for past elders? The universe may never know. 17 minutes.

"…"

"…"

I swear, all these brats are doing is glaring at each other and Sensei hasn't even called them out yet. I mean, if they are glaring at each other half the time, they would have permanent lemon faces by their late 20's. 12 minutes.

I started humming ' _why can't we be friends'_ by _WAR._ Honestly, I saw the chance and I took it. Neji and Tatsuo were taking a break to give me looks. I mentally smirked as I hummed a little louder and stared to mouth along to the chorus. 8 minutes.

"…What are you singing?"

"Hn."

I think you guess who said what. I turned my head slightly in Neji's direction and looked into his pale eyes. Now that I think about it, his eyes are really pretty. I wonder why people feel unnerved when they see the Hyuga eyes.

"What are you doing?"

Shaking my head to get rid of my thoughts, I mentally slapped myself and looked back at the clock. 3 minutes.

"Nothing."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tatsuo smirk. What was that brat thinking?

"I think she likes you Hyuga."

Neji choked. I raised an eyebrow. The bell rang.

I got up and started to walk towards the door, leaving a choking Neji and snickering Tatsuo.

Boys.

 _ **LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE**_

I started walking into a random direction, remembering that I didn't know the way home from the Academy and vice versa. Humming to the beat of _Eye of the Tiger_ by _Survivor._ You can't mess the classics.

Slightly dancing to the beat, I didn't notice bumping into a person. That has been happening a lot, huh? I should start paying attention to where I walk. Nah, people should just part like the Red Sea for me.

Ignoring it, I just called out a sorry, and continued my dance.

"Oi, you're the brat who said 'snake sex' to me this morning."

I froze mid twirl and turned around slowly. Standing behind me was one Snake Mistress of Konoha. She had a smug smirk on her face, looking like she could burst into laughter.

Giving a nervous chuckle, I glanced around to see where I could escape. Feeling a hand grab my shoulder, I flinched and looked up to Anko's face. She looked happy to see I was nervous. Oh wait, she would be since she worked in T&I. Crap.

"Don't be thinking of escaping gaki. We are going to have a little talk about your words."

I squeaked and let out another nervous chuckle. I really wanted to run away, but I don't think I would survive Anko's wrath. I slowly nodded and Anko grinned.

She grabbed my hand and stared walking towards a dango stand that was a couple yards ahead of us. Of course we would go into a dango stand, Anko was well known for her love of the sweet. I gulped once more as we walked into the shop.

I'm so dead.

 _ **LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE**_

IM SO SORRY! I haven't updated in so long…

Thank you for those who haven't gave up on me! And those who gave their love even though I was gone!

I love you duckies! Forgive me!

Anyways, for those who just joined _Sarcastic Wishes_ , welcome duckies! I promise that I don't do this offen!

See you duckies in the next chapter,

SRAN out.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** I need some Halloween candy. And for all of you who live near the clown sightings, stay safe duckies.

 **Disclaimer:** Rock Lee's Spring Time of Youth will be canon. I swear that if I owned the Naruto franchise, RLSTY would be canon. Because everyone deserves a happy ending. (Even Orochimaru *shivers*)

 **WARNING! SLIGHT ANGST AHEAD! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!**

 _ **LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE**_

Elise/TenTen P.O.V.

I took a shaky breath as the waitress gave us two servings of dango. Looking up slightly, I saw Anko eating one of the sweets. Lowering my gaze, a million (more like one) races threw my mind.

'Here lies Eli-err TenTen who died for being a stupid, sarcastic, kid. RIP.'

"Oi, gaki, are you gonna eat that?"

Snapping out of my thoughts, I lifted my head to see Anko picking her teeth with the dango stick. She was giving me a slight glare, seeing what I would do. What did I do?

Oh yeah. I said 'snake sex' in front of her.

My raced to remember what I could about Anko.

Likes conducting tea ceremonies. Apprentice of Orochimaru. Probably banged Kakashi.

I paused at my last thought. Why would Anko bang Kakashi? Trying to imagine the two with each other, I blushed.

S&M, chocolate covered body parts and a blood fetish.

Oh.

What a kinky couple.

Giggling, I forgot that Anko was in front of me, waiting for an answer. My thoughts were getting more and more lewd with each passing second. My nose was staring to tingle, and I had a passing thought that I was going to nose bleed over food.

'Boop'

I flinched a little when I felt someone touch my nose. My blush and nosebleed seemed to vanish at the skin contact.

Anko's face was leaning over mine, giving me a slightly curious look. She was on the table, leaning the upper half of her body over mine, seeming to be a predator who has caught its prey. Her eyes had a glint in them that made me shiver. It reminded me of a scientist about to discover something new. She totally got that trait from Orochimaru.

I felt my body shut down, and inner-me decided to come out and play.

"Ya know, staring at people is rude. Don't you have any manners Snaky? Or are you just so stupid that you don't know what they are?"

"…"

The café went quiet at inner-me's statement. You could even hear a faint shout of 'Youth!' from a certain beast.

Oh, fuck me gently with Samehada.

 _ **LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE**_

Meanwhile with a certain cake…

Third Persons P.O.V.

Naruto watched the water ripple from his thrown rock. He was bored. He was really bored. He was really _really_ bored. His Nee-chan was supposed to be at the orphanage by now.

Did she hate him too now?

He shook his head and slapped his whiskered cheeks slightly.

Nee-chan also said how much she loved him and always gave him attention when he wanted it (even though sometimes it was embarrassing). She would _never_ leave him, even when the whole world hated him. He knew this because she told him. Every. Day.

Eyes becoming unfocused, Naruto remembered the first time he questioned his sisters love to him.

 _Flashback to 1 year ago_

 _They were hanging out in their room, TenTen reading a book and he was staring out the window. He saw a family of four consisting of a father, mother and two siblings. The siblings, a boy and girl, were running around and giving the occasional shout._

 _The boy looked up and saw Naruto and waved at him. Naruto shyly waved back at him._

 _A panicked shout came from the mother when she saw her son waving at the demon. Naruto flinched when he saw the father shoot him a dirty look and the mother racing to get her son._

 _Tears stared to well up in eyes as the family walked away from the orphanage. A thought crept in his mind and he decided to voice it._

" _Nee-chan, why do you love me? Everyone hates me. So why do you?"_

 _The sound of a book being closed and a squeaked of the bed answered him. He felt TenTen hug him from behind and her hand wiping his face._

 _Tears. Tears were falling and being caught by his sister._

" _You know want to know why?"_

 _Nodding, Naruto turned to face her. He looked through his lashes to meet his sister's dark eyes. She gave him a small smile and led him towards his bed. Climbing onto the bed, he made room for her. TenTen gave a small chuckle and joined him._

" _Naruto, I never hang out with other people. You know why? Because they are annoying and selfish. The people here at Konoha are awful. Hell, almost everyone is awful. But, don't let my words stop you from making friends and forming special bonds. Some people out there in the world are just like you."_

 _He tilted his head I confusion. TenTen laughed._

" _I mean, that there are people like you out there. With a pure soul. But just because you have a pure soul doesn't mean you have a clean past."_

 _She paused there and gave a sad smile._

" _People are dirty creatures Naruto, that's true. We rape, murder and kill for money. And believe me when I tell you that you are one of the less dirty ones. Not clean, no, but less. The people of Konoha can't see that. All they see is someone who is different, and they can't handle that."_

 _His tears welled up again and held her hand. She squeezed his hand and he squeezed back._

" _When people see someone different there is two things that they do. Either they worship them or shun them. Unfortunately Naruto, you are different I'm afraid. To me, that doesn't matter at all since you're my precious little brother. No matter what anyone says, I will not give up on you."_

 _The tears were already slipping down his face and he wiped them. They kept coming._

" _Naruto Uzuamki, I love you. I will love you when you are angry at me. I will love you when you feel helpless. I will love you when the whole universe is against you. I will never stop loving you because a couple of idiots say I shouldn't."_

 _He gave a small hiccup and pulled his sister into a hug. She gave smile as her own tears started to fall. Then she whispered in his ear and he started sobbing._

" _I love you little brother."_

 _That night was filled with 'I love you'-s and crying between two children._

 _Flashback End_

Naruto wiped the tears that were dripping down his face, and gave a little sniffle. When he wiped his face clean, he smiled.

His Nee-chan loved him and he was going to wait for her at the orphanage!

Believe it!

 _ **LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE**_

*cries* Naru-chan! I love you too! *wipes tears away*

Anyways, I will be updated once or twice a week when I have time so, mark your calendars! Remember I will be updating on Saturdays!

To all who reviewed, thank you! Oh, and shout out towards **Elena Parker**! Your review made me laugh and feel fuzzy inside.

I think I will give a shout out each chapter to a review that made me feel the fuzzy feelings. So review on that box at the bottom of the page and you may get a shout out!

(Yes, I'm desperate for reviews.)

See you duckies in the next chapter,

SRAN out.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** I have been living off pre-Halloween/after-Halloween candy. I do not regret the choices I made.

 **Disclaimer:** Travels the world. Travels the oceans. Travels space. Cannot find a place which I would own Naruto.

 _ **LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE**_

Recap

" _Ya know, staring at people is rude. Don't you have any manners Snaky? Or are you just so stupid that you don't know what they are?"_

"…"

 _The café went quiet at inner-me's statement. You could even hear a faint shout of 'Youth!' from a certain beast._

 _Oh, fuck me gently with Samehada._

Elise/TenTen P.O.V.

I felt my soul leave my body, and I waved at all the precious people I would leave behind. (Naru-cakes, and Lee's bento _and don't judge me because that bento looked fucking gods wept to make the beauty of this goddamn bento.)_

'Well, it seems that Raziel would lose his bet, even in child form I still somehow managed to die before my life even started. Hell, I won't be getting laid anyways.'

Anko's face seemed to twist to some sort of grin. The sort of grin that sent shivers down peoples spines and said 'You-are-a very-fucked-person-today-since-you-messed-with-me'

Gimme the secrets to that face.

Oh, it looks my soul is back.

I paused in the middle of my daydream of scaring people shitless with Anko's face of Misery. It was beautiful daydream that should have never ended.

"Gaki, you got balls of steel."

A blush crept up my face, at Anko's words. From Anko, that was a very high compliment, at least to me it was.

"O-oh. Th-h-hank-k yo-o-u."

Inner-Hinata, thank you for coming in my time of need.

Anko gave me a curious look at my sudden stuttering. She then smirked then patted my head.

"I like you gaki, you remind me of myself when I was younger. Ah, good times."

I squeaked.

 _Me?_ Reminding the great _Anko_ of _herself?_ I am positively sure that was the greatest compliment known to man.

Wait, scratch that.

The greatest compliment of the world would be the Akatsuki begging me to join their ranks. Of course, I would have to decline them ( _Hello! Naruto is too cute to die! We would have to see about the Kyubbi though…_ ) and ask for their autographs. I am not ashamed to say in my previous life that I was a big Akatsuki fangirl.

Like 80% of the Naruto fan-base.

The blush that was on my face, turned even redder if possible. I would even bet that Naru-cakes would be able to heat up his ramen from the heat my face was giving off.

"Ah!"

Anko just started to snicker. She removed her hand from my head and hummed.

"You know gaki, I have always wanted a minion and you seem to qualify for it. So…gaki, would you like me to help you in your way as an awesome ninja? To seduce the manliest of men? To destroy the toughest villages? To torture ninjas to crying pansies?"

I think the Akatsuki begging me to join them has been outranked. By Anko asking me to be her appren-err-minion! But still, who else has gotten the chance to study underneath the Snake Mistress of Konoha?

Not Neji, that's for sure.

My blush magically disappeared (the powers of the anime universe?) and I calmly sipped the now cold tea.

"Hmm"

Anko frowned at my sudden calmness and uninterested look. She started to scowl and hit the table with her palm.

"This is a one-time offer gaki. I'm not going to ask you again. Yes or no?"

When she said that, I slightly chocked on the tea. A little bit of the cold liquid spilled onto my shirt and stuck to my undeveloped chest.

I'm looking at you Tsnuade.

"U-uh, I woul-"

"Nee-chan! What are you doing?! You're supposta be at the Academy! Liar!"

I stopped mid-sentence to see Naru-cakes pointing at me with a shocked look on his face. Opening my mouth to answer him, he ran towards me.

"Liar! I waited for you at the lake! Liar!"

"Eh? Who are you?"

Oh goody. It looks like Anko has joined the conversation.

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki! Believe it!"

"Eh? What am I supposed to believe? That you're an idiot?"

I face palmed. I swear to Raziel…

"What?! I'm no idiot! Idiot!"

"Ha! You can't even make decent come backs! Loser!"

"You're the loser! Meanie!"

"Good job! You're starting to get better with your insults fishcake!

I peeked through my fingers and groaned. You should never call Naru-cakes fishcake unless you're happy having one arm. Or eye. Or leg. Or ea-you know what? You would just be missing a body part.

Naru-cakes' face got tomato red and you could practically see the smoke coming out of his ears.

"My. Name. Means. WHIRLPOOL!"

He launched himself towards Anko, screaming bloody murder. The patrons that were at the dango stand stood still. They had wide eyes and sweat drops.

Anko was laughing as Naruto tackled her. I think she was even yelling about 'that's it gaki' and 'now you're a level above pansy!'

Anko would be a terrible influence around children.

I love her.

Sighing in regret at the ball of limbs, I shook my head.

"I'm so gonna regret this meet up later."

If I only knew.

 _ **LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE**_

I'm so sorry duckies! I totally forgot about this story…

I don't even have an excuse, I just forgot about this.

Forgive me?

Okay, anyways this chapters shout out goes to **BloodyCamellia!** (Love your username BTW!) Honestly, I didn't expect much of this fanfic either… Maybe 2 reviews and follows….But thank you for your supportive comment! And the rest of you wonderful people as well! (I still don't know how I'm hilarious though…someone tell me!)

Also, Mimosa Evans, Tenshi is NOT this TenTen's real name. It's like a nickname, since TenTen means 'heaven', I decided her nickname should fit in that general area. And Tenshi just so happens to mean 'Angel'. I also liked it due to the irony in her situation. She got transferred to the Naruto verse due to her wish to an angel. She is basically Naruto's guardian angel. So 'angel'.

Irony rocks.

See you duckies in the next chapter (Don't forget to review!),

SRAN out.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** I am terrified of birds. There are seriously creepy. *shivers*

 **Disclaimer:** Unfortunately, my body wasn't enough to convince the universe to let me own Naruto. Maybe old man Masashi Kishimoto?

 _ **LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE**_

Elise/TenTen P.O.V.

I was sitting, bored out of my mind. Anko and Naruto had been fighting for over 10 minutes. Would real life battles take this long? I hope not.

It would be very frustrating to be in a long fight and without music…

Reminder, find some way to take music to the battle field.

A rather loud crash pulled me out of my thoughts and I looked over at the two fighting. Sighing, I looked down onto my imaginary wrist watch.

"Well, what do you know? It seems I have places to be, people to greet, a country to conquer. See you kids later…"

The kids mentioned didn't even notice me leaving them, too busy trying to show the other who was the alpha. Or whatever the kids call it these days.

I sighed and jumped into the fray. You know what they say, if they don't listen to you, join the Akasuki to take over the world!

Or something along those lines.

"Prepare to taste bitter defeat!"

" _What are you doing!?"_

 _ **LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE**_

I winced at the sharp pain crawling up my back from my legs. This was torture! Why would some human do this to look 'proper'?!

The seiza sitting positon was hell.

Naru-cakes was literally shaking and making a duck face as he tried to hold in the tears from pain, fear and sleep. Anko was calmly sitting but she was unusually tense and winced the tiniest bit when Kurenai walked past her during her pacing.

It seems even the fearsome Anko is afraid of a pissed off woman.

"What were you thinking?! You're an adult Anko! You're not supposed to fight children! Remember what happened with that other little boy?! He's in a hospital Anko! A mental hospital! Hokage-sama could barely save you from that! And now you're doing it again with these children!? Honestly Anko-"

At least she didn't seem to remember me and my embarrassing moment. Bless Raziel. Not.

A small yawn took over Naru-cakes body as he finally collapsed in exhaustion from holding the seiza positon for so long.

"No more… I'm too tired Nee-chan…"

A soft snore interrupted him.

Anko was asleep in seiza position, head lopsided.

A deadpan expression took over my face.

Kurenai whipped around when she heard the noise and her harsh stare, softened when she saw the cute Naru-cakes give another yawn. His eyes where fluttering closed and his normaly bright blue eyes where slightly clouded. A small coo came from Kurenai lips as she smiled and looked over at me. A confused look came over her face then, recognition.

Oh God no.

"You, are the girl from this morning…"

Raziel? Can you hear me? Save me!

"Anko corrupted you too?!"

I froze in the middle of my prayer and robotically looked up into her red eyes.

"Uh..."

A harsher glare than before came upon her face as she looked over to Anko. It got even more terrifying when she realized Anko was asleep.

"That woman will feel my wrath if it's the last thing I do." She hissed out looking and sounding more like a snake than Anko ever did.

My heart skipped a beat.

Kurenai looked (glared) over at me and my eyes widened.

Is Anko's glare could make your soul leave your body than Kurenai's glare could kill you, eat your soul, revive you and sacrifice your useless body to Jashin.

Looks like I have found an even more awesome woman.

Anko was overrated anyways.

A harsh exhale pulled me back into reality as she looked over to Naru-cakes.

"Take him home…um…"

"TenTen miss!"

A nod.

"TenTen then."

I slowly got out of seiza and fell down.

Curse these jelly legs.

Kurenai has an amused expression and a smirk came upon her face. A glint was in her eyes and I realized something important.

Just because Kurenai was nice does not mean she was not sadistic.

Ninjas were all weird.

Good thing I love weird then.

 _ **LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE**_

A grunt left my lips as I gave Naru-cakes a piggy back ride from Kurenai's house. He passed out as soon we were a block away from her house and I was forced to carry him. As much as I love Naru, he could really learn how to carry his own weight.

Or lose a pound or two.

I stumbled a bit when I felt something thrown at us. A glance to my left told me it was a kid, no older than 10, holding a handful of pebbles. He sneered at us, a superior air around him.

"Demon Brat!"

The civilians around us ignored what was happening.

Gritting my teeth I looked down a started to take deep breaths, due to Naru-cakes and this brat pissing me off.

"Oi, you better stop _little boy_ , or you may see a _real demon_ come out to _play_."

I looked up at him and gave him my best glare and barred my teeth, a low growling sound following my little warning.

The boy looked nervous as he ran away from us.

Serves him right.

 _ **LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE**_

The sun was almost set by the time we arrived to orphanage. I dropped onto the ground, Naru still on top of me as I let out a large sigh.

Take it easy on the ramen Naruto!

Gently pushing him off me, I shakenly got up and walked towards the door. Pulling on the handle, it didn't budge. A frown was on my face as I pulled harder with no success.

My frown grew larger as a frustrated grunt came out of my mouth.

A small thought flew into my mind as I recalled my past life.

The orphanage threw out Naruto when he was around 4-6 years old. How old was Naruto? 5.

He was kicked out of his only 'home' he ever knew.

I felt the anger crawl up from my stomach to my mouth, leaving a bitter taste (or it could have been vomit). The evil _redredred_ was flashing in my eyes as I let out an inhuman growl.

How dare they!? How do they dare to kick out the sweetest kid to rom the Elemental Nations with the sunshine hair and too big blue eyes?!

They will pay. They will pay with their blood and guts sprawled ac-

"What are you doing outside? Get in."

I stopped my inner rant to see a frowning Hag pushing the door outwards.

Wait, push?

My palm meet my face as I remembered Hag got the door replaced due to a _mysterious girl_ who just found out about a certain thing inside all life and _accidently_ blew up the door.

Opps.

A sheepish chuckle irrupted the silence as I rubbed the back of my head.

"Sorry. I'm coming."

I turned around and pick up Naru-cakes with a small amount of difficulty. Looking at Hag, I saw her ignoring Naru-cakes and opening the door wider.

A small smile replaced the previous frown as I walked inside.

At least she wasn't hating on him.

 _ **LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE**_

A/N: Soooooo, how's it going?

*ducks down from rotten fruit*

Sorry! Sorry! I am awful for waiting 3-4 months to post this chapter (and it so short…)… I swear I'm going to update tomorrow since I'm already half-way done with Chapter 12…

Any who, thanks to all who reviewed, followed and favorited!

Don't forget to review!

Until next time (hopefully tomorrow),

SRAN out.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** So this chapter is only 2 days late but whatever right?

 **Disclaimer:** The world cries when I wasn't awarded the Naruto franchise

 **Review Answers:**

 **Choasrin** **:** You could say that, but I think of it more like sibling teasing. You got any siblings? I do. And we ALWAYS say stuff like that, plus, this is a SI-OC fanfic so I'm gonna put a little of myself out in the story too. But in the end of the day, we know it's just teasing and we love each other. So yeah…I hope you understand why I did it then

 _ **LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE**_

 _ **Elise/TenTen P.O.V.**_

It was now a couple days since I have last seen Kurenai and Anko but I wasn't complaining. They could stay far far _far_ away from me if I could choose it so.

Just kidding.

I was _so_ missing the kickass kunochis and their terrifying ways. (Please come back) At least they didn't part without out a gift though. I have sorta kinda (not really) mastered Anko's glare.

...

Ok, it was a pretty pathetic compared to Anko's but I got to admit, showing off that glare at the mini fangirls was exhilarating.

Just because my glare will make grown men laugh doesn't mean little kids won't cry. Repeatedly.

Cue evil laugh.

Any who, I finally made friends with Lee! And let me tell you, that bento was as good as it looked...

 _ **Flashback (brought to you by Lee's Bento (it's magically delicious!))**_

 **Rock Lee/3** **rd** **Personish P.O.V.**

 _Lee was having a wonderful day._

 _The birds next to his window had their first egg hatch, it wasn't raining, and he saw a man in green suit shouting something inaudible while doing a handstand!_

 _So yes, a wonderful day in his humble opinion._

 _But now he was being chased by a she-devil who wanted to *shivers* cuddle him to death. For some food?!_

 _How in the world did it come to this?!_

 _ **Flashback in a Flashback (Brought to you by Lucky Charms due to copyright issues)**_

 _It started at school in the middle of Ryku-Sensei taking roll._

" _TenTen? TenTen are you here?"_

 _He was confused at first at the hopeful voice of his teacher at the end of his Sensei's sentence. TenTen seemed like a pretty nice girl, she was kind to him but she did have that scary glare she gave to the class when she was mad. Plus, she tried to teach him new things but his Sensei didn't let her! He was depriving him of his education! Maybe he should tell Kaa-san…she was terrifying when mad…_

 _He shook himself out of his thoughts and clenched his fist. Yosh! That should show Sensei!_

 _The lunch bell rang and he was mildly shocked. Had he spent the whole time thinking about sicking Kaa-chan at Sensei?!_

 _A small frown was on his face as he reached under his desk for his bento box._

 _Kaa-chan may be scary but she knew how to cook!_

 _A cute moe aura surrounded him as he opened his bento and took out his chopsticks. After a quick prayer of thanks (Kaa-chan would kill him if he didn't) he prepared to take a bite when it happened._

 _An uncomfortable feeling. The feeling of being watched._

 _ **LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE**_

 _Now dear readers, you will tell me 'he is just a child! He shouldn't be able to feel people looking at him!' Ah, yes, but we forget, he is training to become a ninja and this is a simple thing all ninja must have to survive. It's basically the first lesson of the Academy._

 _Onto the story…_

 _ **LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE**_

 _A shiver crawled up his spine and he looked up to see the girl Sensei was calling for that morning._

 _TenTen._

 _She was watching him with slightly narrowed eyes. Wait not him, his lunch? A confused look came upon his face as he quickly looked down on his lunch. Nothing out of the ordinary._

 _Was this what his Kaa-chan told him about? When someone was looking at you make friends with them then destroy them? Was that what he was supposed to do?_

 _Tilting his bento box towards the slightly younger female he nodded at her. Was this the right way to communicate?_

 _Tears sprung from those dark orbs as her eyes grew wider. A strangled sound came from her direction as she floated towards him._

 _Yes. Floated. For she did not simply walk towards him but walked with such grace all he could describe it with was floated._

 _And he decided to never make friends with his Academy classmates again when TenTen took a bite of his lunch, cried a little and then decided to hug him to thank him for his generosity._

 _ **Flashback in a Flashback End**_

 _So now he was running away from the Academy towards the Lee clan compound to hide under his bed due to his fear of females._

 _Well, females with twin buns and too dark eyes._

 _Too bad he didn't know the future or he would prepare himself for the day he meet his team._

 _ **Flashback End**_

 **Elise/TenTen P.O.V.**

I puckered my lips and let a giggle escape.

Okay, I admit, it may have been an amazing experience for me but obviously not for Lee. I may have scared him a little I think…

Oh well, not my problem tell 6 years from now.

 _ **LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE**_

 **A/N:** I know, I know, terribly short and mostly a filler chapter but eh.

Anyways to larger news, I JUST GOT REVIEWD/LIKED FROM TWO OF MY FAVORITE AUTHORS!

Cue excited squeal.

Seriously, I fangirled a little.

Thanks **MadaraUchiha-Chan** and **OnepieceZoroOc**!

(Go check their fics out! Both are hilariously funny!)

Anwho, please, PLEASE, take the poll on my bio. It's about which fanfic I'm going to do next…

I know 'But SRAN! You barley update this one and you'll forget the other one!'

I know duckies, but you can't cap the imagination. So just take the poll.

Till the next chapter,

SRAN


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** So...Its been a while...Please don't hurt me?

 **Disclaimer:** My letter never seemed to get a response, so I'll keep waiting

 **Review Reaponces:**

 ** _EmilyKayros:_** lol, I love Innocent!Lee too! He is so much fun to write and I can promise you more interactions. They do end up on the same genin team in the anime/manga and I plan to keep that part.

 _ **Guest:**_ You'll just have to find out ;)

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

 **Timeskip (One Year Later)**

TenTen/Elise POV

A year has past since I have started the Academy and I was in a terrible mood. Mostly.

I felt tears well up in my eyes as I looked over at Naru-cake's bed. He was still asleep with a cute toad sleep cap and a comical nose bubble.

"My precious brother..." My body moved on its own accord and walked towards the window, magically replacing my cow pajamas with a slightly fancy orange dress reaching my shins in a dark orange color.

My lip wobbled as I dramatically looked at the sunrise, bittersweet music playing in the background with the power of anime.

"Why Naru-cakes? Why has his day come? I tried to steer you from the path of this awful occupation but it seems my efforts were futile...You pushed me to accept this but I coluldn't, but you did it anyways... Today is the day... The day you are training to become...a...PROSTITUTE!"

Crocodile tears streamed down my face as the window was opened dramatically by a strong gust of wind.

"Nee-chan?" A slightly sleepy voice brought me out of my moment of drama. "Are you hawusinading ( _Awww! Naru-cakes is trying to use big words!)_ again?"

A pout came upon my face as I looked towards Naru-cakes.

"I happen to be pwerfectly ( _Damnit)_ fine and I'm not hawusinading ( _Double Damnit)_ Naru-cakes! I was just thinking about your future and then I had a howid ( _AHHHHH)_ nightmare."

My little brother gave me a confused look until I pointed at the calendar. In bright orange ( _what else would it be?)_ letters, it said:

 **START TMNT TRAINING**

His eyes widened as he snapped his head back to me. "WE ARE GONNA MEET THE TURTLES!?"

The absolute fanboy scream my brother made, caused Hag to hit her broomstick under us. Oops.

But sadly, my brother's hopes of meeting one of his favorite bedtime story characters were crushed.

A sheepish chuckle came out of my mouth. "Whoops, wrong calendar!"

A poof of smoke later, a small calendar replaced the other with the correct words:

 **NINJA START**

One of Naru-cakes signature smiles was plastered on his face as he read the sloppy text. Hey, I'm 7. I'm not a freaking Mary-Sue...yet...

"C'mon Naru-cakes time to get ready for your first day!"

And to meet the rookie 9...

 _ **LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE**_

Naru-cakes was smiling as bright as the sun as we walked towards the Academy for his first day and my second year. He was wearing slightly ripped brown shorts and a brand new white shirt with orange trimmings and an Uzumaki symbol in the front.

The shirt was tricky to buy since no one wanted to do anything with the supposed 'Demon Brat'. Thankfully my short time with Anko and Kurenai has made me an apprentice to the art of glares.

It didn't take much convincing after the glare and a very thorough description of necrophilia.

I am pretty proud of what my mind came up with since I was bullshitting half the time.

Speaking of the two women, I haven't seen them since the incident involving my legs not working properly for a week. I paid little mind to the fact.

I was more worried about some stalkers my brother and I have seemed to get.

 _Flashback (Brought to you by: MadaraUchiha-chan's awesomeness. Check them out. (Ilovethemokbye)_

 _ **LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE**_

 _3rd POV_

 _TenTen was doing some of her chores that were assigned to her. At the moment she was cleaning the windows that led to the large yard the orphanage had. It was almost sunset, so the area was covered in a dark orange light, slightly hiding a young boy playing with a ball._

 _Once upon a time the ball could have been a vibrant blue color, but due to the lack of care it has received, it is now a faded color of what it once was with dark marks covering its surface._

 _(WTF is wrong with me, I made a whole paragraph about a ball)_

 _The boy was Naruto Uzumaki, unofficial brother to one TenTen. He was playing by himself, throwing the ball k to the air and catching it. Each time the ball was thrown, he threw it higher than the last._

 _TenTen paused her work as she watched Naruto play. A small grin was on her face as she saw him starting to struggle. Just as she was about to get back to work, she saw a shadow pass over her window and froze._

 _Even if she hadn't been an Academy student for long, she knew that she had to wary. It was on of the 3 rules to keep you alive after all._

 _One: **Never** believe you are truly safe. Don't fully relax on the job_

 _She tightened her hold on the rag and reached into a hidden pocket on her shirt (thank Kami for Hag not fully hating her), pulling out a kunai._

 _Two: **Never Ever** be without a weapon. Attacks can happen at any time._

 _Looking out the window she saw Naruto still playing with the ball until he didn't catch it in time. It rolled away, heading for the long grass that was overdue for a trimming._

 _Naruto went to go get the ball, but before he got a foot (30cm.) away from the item, it was tossed to him._

 _A shadow flew by._

 _TenTen tensed and ran to the door leading out to the yard, reading her kunai for an attack._

 _What? Was she supposed to use the window? She wasn't a savage! She had a strict moral code and would never do something like it! Pshhh, like whatever, the door was fun too. Windows were too breakable and expensive..._

 _Hag forbidden it after she broke the 7th window._

 _By the time she was out into the yard (yay, more running drills for her), her brother was still playing with the darn ball, without a care in the world. She couldn't sense any chakra (she knew what she was getting for her birthday!) and it seemed that the threat had disappeared._

 _"Nee-chan, what are you doing?"_

 _She looked up to see a deadpan look on Naruto with the ball in his hands. Lowering her kunai slightly, she laughed and remembered the third rule._

 _Three: If the enemy leaves, don't go after them if you cannot defeat them on your own. These are the basic rules for you to survive being genin and academy students._

 _She went back inside to finish her chores_

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

 _A couple weeks after the last incident, TenTen was walking home from a long day at the Academy._

 _Seriously, stare at a H_ _ū_ _yga for a long period of time once, and he thinks your out to steal his eyes. Then count that an Uchiha sits next to her as well..._

 _DAMMIT, SHE WAS NOT GONNA CARVE OUT HIS EYES!_

 _In her frustration, she didn't notice a group of fangirls following her. They were their to teach the weird girl in their class a lesson for scaring the love(s) of their lives._

 _Dang it TenTen, you only had one job!_

 _While TenTen was being an emo butt, ducks and all, the fangirls got ready to strike. What they didn't know was that a figure with deep red eyes was watching them disapprovingly and got ready to stop them with another figure beside them._

 _TenTen then tripped over thin air (more like ninja wire...hey just cuz their fangirls don't mean they're not ninjas in training!) the fangirls got ready to strike._

 _Sadly they would never get the chance too since they were all stopped by the devil and her pet._

 _"Bulling is wrong."_

 _TenTen didn't pay attention to the screams._

 ** _LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

 _Naruto was walking towards the Academy with a bowl of ramen._

 _His Nee-chan always forgot her lunch._

 _Along the way, he noticed the mean boys that usually tried to make him spill his Nee-chan's lunch (like hell he would tell her there was bullies. she would kill them and him for not telling..) weren't there at their usual spot._

 _All there was under the tree was drag marks and a few blood splats._

 _He shrugged it off and continued walking._

 _Nee-chan always said it wasn't his business who pissed off the Tomato King's number one ninja._

 _A shiver went down his spine. Ew, vegetables._

 _Naruto never noticed two figures hidden in the tress high-fiving with a couple of boys wedgied._

 ** _LINE DUCKYMOMOLINEDUKCYMOMOLINE_**

 _Flashback End (sponsor here!)_

Elise/TenTen POV

I frowned as I looked around seeing if any one looked like a stalker.

A old man was sitting in front of a shop, sharping a sword.

A young child was glaring at a burn on their friends arm.

Two women were whispering while wearing hats.

I gave a small nod as I realized there was no one suspicions around. Just your average Konoha citizens.

"Nee-chan! Hurry! We're gonna be late!"

A twitch of panic ran through my body as I ran towards Naru-cakes.

"CrapCrapCrapCrapCrap"

"Are humans supposed to look that pale Nee-chan?" 

**_LINEDUCKYMOMOLINEDUCKYMOMOLINE_**

 **A/N:** He, he, he ,he... I got no excuse.

Soooo, I'm just gonna say please review and follow this fanfic.

And maybe not a gruesome murder?

Till the next chapter,

SRAN out

Oh, lets not forget the Omake shall we?

 **OMAKE**

Neji knew the girl who sat by him in class was insane. Not weird, insane.

He didn't know how anyone could miss it.

She stares at the boy who always asks to many questions like she would do unspeakable acts to him.

Every time the blasted Uchiha was around she licked her lips and smirked.

Was this what his Uncle called 'seductive'?

And she always looked him in the eyes! No where else!

Was she planning to steal his eyes?

Was she a spy?

Was she...a fangirl?

NO!

But...all the signs were adding up.

The lip licking, the stares, the smirks...

Neji let out a sound that sounded like a whine and slammed his head on the Academy desk.

This sounded like a good time to use the bad word his Uncle used.


	14. Note

Hello my beautiful duckies, it is I SRAN. I'm just posting this to let y'all know I'm **NOT** abandoning this story. I repeat I'm **NOT** abandoning this story.

I will though be rewriting ALL chapters. They require MAJOR editing and some need to be combined. I do have good news though, I will be posting the new Chapter One on Wednesday!

So mark them calendars and come back to the new and improved chapter one!

SRAN out.


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